I am scrubbing my actual home from top to bottom over the weekend.

There will be much purging of the unnecessary and extraneous.And hopefully several trips to the thrift store. Perhaps even postings on craigslist.

Windows will be washed, floors scoured, shelves organized and all furniture moved for dusting purposes.Fresh coats of paint and minor repairs are in order. The yard will be reseeded. It’s time to take stock of the pantry and clean out the fridge. All those dark corners in the closets must be cleaned out.

Lest my inner life think it gets away scot-free, here’s a warning to the soul. There will be a “taking stock” of all things emotional and a sweeping out of the cobwebs which cling to the recesses of my heart. Oh yes, this weekend promises to be lots of hard work but I am thrilled already as I think of what every thing will be like on the other side.

The Myer family gathered in Wenatchee to spread the ashes of Grandma and Grandpa Myer…remembering them and pausing to recognize their legacy. These are the moments we were created for. Family. Memories. Laughter. Joy. Sadness. Stories. Community.

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sewing projects

bike rides

best friends reconnecting

family photos

beer buddies

good food

graduation celebrations

a darn cute puppy

friendly, pet goats

have in common, you ask? They all help shape the portrait of my summer thus far. More to come I’m sure as the warm weather continues to bless us. There are trips to take, visitors to welcome, retreats and rest to partake of and memories to be made.

I love summer.

For everything under the sun there is a time
This is the season of your awkward harvesting,
When pain takes you where you would rather not go,

Through the white curtain of yesterdays to a place
You had forgotten you knew from the inside out;
And a time when that bitter tree was planted.

That has grown always invisible beside you
And whose branches your awakened hands
Now long to disentangle from your heart.

You are coming to see how your looking often darkened
When you should have felt safe enough to fall toward love,
How deep down your eyes were always owned by something.

That faced them through a dark fester of thorns
Converting whoever came into a further figure of the wrong;
You could only see what touched you as already torn.

Now the act of seeing begins your work of mourning.
And your memory is ready to show you everything,
Having waited all these years for you to return and know.

Only you know where the casket of pain is interred.
You will have to scrape through all the layers of covering.
And according to your readiness, everything will open.

May you be blessed with a wise and compassionate guide
Who can accompany you through the fear and grief
Until your heart has wept its way to your true self.

As your tears fall over that wounded place,
May they wash away your hurt and free your heart.
May your forgiveness still the hunger of the wound.

So that for the first time you can walk away from that place,
Reunited with your banished heart, now healed and freed,
And feel the clear, free air bless your new face.

from: To Bless the Space Between Us by John O’Donohue, 2008.

eating anything within reach that has sugar in it

shopping until I drop

drinking too much wine

But I’ve figured out that my real gut reaction to highly stressful, hurtful, confusing and frustrating situations is to escape.

Hightail it.

Run.

Skip town.

Jump ship.

Flee.

So yes, that’s me you see the back of right now. Running to catch the next train, bags trailing behind. The woman in the wide brimmed hat and sunglasses, glancing quickly over her shoulder to see if any one has figured out she’s escaping. And hoping and praying that wherever she lands next (which is still a mystery to her) will be a peaceful, safer place than the one she is leaving.

I had to post this as a friend did so in honor of the World Cup and the general ignorance of geography that most Americans have. It was just too good to pass up. Thanks Bethany!!

As I read news articles about the oil spill I am interested primarily in our collective response as a nation. What is the “sense” if you will of the American people concerning this tragedy? What’s the buzz?  There’s certainly enough finger pointing to go around.  Then there’s the cheekier take on the issue.  By and large though the impression I come away with after googling, twitter searching, and generally just listening (in-person and online) is that there’s lots of blame and accusation being tossed out there but a lack of assuming responsibility and naming our role as consumers as part of the problem. Pointing the finger at someone else, especially a large corporation with billions in revenue that looks like a goldmine for class action lawsuits is quick and pain-free.  The visual that comes to mind is your average, every day citizen pointing that finger from the driver’s seat of their car. Their gas-guzzling car. Whether that vehicle is a hybrid sedan or the largest SUV you can imagine-they both require fuel to get anywhere. And that fuel happens to be oil. Consumers of gasoline hold a great deal of power and with that comes that nasty word we all tend to avoid, responsibility. Blaming BP and its shareholders and holding them accountable for their actions (or lack thereof) is a right and just course of action but it might behoove citizens to pause for a moment in front of the mirror and perform a quick self-examination. What role does each individual consumer play in shaping how businesses utilize  their workforces and our natural resources?

This boils down to knowing where the products and services you invest in come from and what they’re made of. I can’t say it loud enough…we have to take responsibility for where we put our money and resources. Then we have to take action to alter those organizations or entire industries that have lost all sense of business ethics.  There is no excuse for not being invested in the process. If it seems like a daunting and enormous task you would be right, it is. To take into consideration where that shoelace was made and how the materials used to produce it were harvested all the way to where the materials used to build your home came from and what the business practices that company that you buy your vacuum cleaner from are can quickly lead to paralysis. But we have to start somewhere don’t we? If we truly care for our environment and for the human lives at stake then wouldn’t that compel us to leap into the fray much earlier on? To be a champion, a leader who speaks out on behalf of those who don’t have a voice (and here I am referring to the sea life that is currently being obliterated in the Gulf as well as the sweatshop worker in a third world country who made your t-shirt), that is the duty–no the privilege that Americans have been given. I could extend that privilege globally but at the moment am focused solely on my own country.

I think I can safely say that citizens of the USA are generally concerned about the environment. There is certainly plenty of criticism about the war in the Middle East and the role oil plays in that or consider the controversy surrounding drilling in the Arctic Refuge.  Oil is, of course, only one small part of environmental stewardship as there are literally thousands of issues to be considered on everything from endangered species to the use of our forests to water treatment methods. All this to simply say, we are a people that care about mother nature. We want clean water, an ozone layer, ice caps in the arctic and wildlife for future generations to enjoy. We’re all about “reducing our carbon footprint” and “greening” our lifestyles. But just how far does this extend and are the trends we witness nationally more a marketing ploy than an actual way of life? Based on the number of cars on the road and the growing landfills and the percentage of our energy that still comes from sources such as coal, I would say we’re falling a little short. We talk big and loud but do we put our money where our mouth is?

Mostly I am concerned that there is a lack of national grieving over the BP oil spill. It is the worst spill in the last 50 years…possibly the worst spill in history.  The  Gulf will never be the same. I am no scientist but I can only imagine that the aquatic ecosystem  is suffering significantly. If the oil truly can’t be contained before December 2010 then we risk losing the gulf as we know it entirely. Shouldn’t our response be one of grief first and accusation second? Shouldn’t we pause for a moment and simply mourn collectively for what future generations are losing at our hands? There will be plenty of time and space for due process of the law, for restitution, for fault-finding. In this moment our hearts should break for the beauty that is being destroyed…never to be reclaimed. Take a moment and watch a snippet from the Blue Planet. Allow yourself to feel the weight of what we’re losing.

I took this picture awhile back and it’s one of my favorites.

Aren’t they such a handsome pair? They must share some pretty dang good genes…oh wait, they do.

Mostly I woke up feeling overwhelmed by life. I don’t like being grown-up. It’s too hard. No one does your laundry for you anymore so if you don’t do it then you get piles of stinky dirtiness and an empty closet.

And what about meals? I miss having Mom do all the menu planning and my  job was simply to set the table. I tried that the other night…setting out plates, forks and napkins and then waiting for the food to arrive. It didn’t work out in my favor.

Add to daily chores the fact that I am responsible for the direction and well-being of a company and I don’t get to delegate that task to any one. I feel that my job requires thoughtfulness and intentionality and the well has run dry right now so I really just want to go home and crawl back into bed and try this day over again.

Can I trade places with my dog? I want my belly scratched and the luxury of napping most of the afternoon. And mostly I want someone else to clean up my messes.

So it’s time once again (how does this always happen to me?) to ask for grace, for patience, for Divine intervention. I can’t make it on my strength alone. I would really like to believe that I can. In fact, I waste a lot my very precious personal resources (i.e. time, energy, mind) trying to argue that I can indeed do it by myself. You’d think I was still two and insisting on asserting my independence. But the truth is, I can’t do it by myself. I need my community. I need my family. I need God.