We’ve now been relocated in Spokane for 10 weeks and in light of recent personal developments, it seems about time to do some actual “settling in”. This weekend marked the final unpacking and now all that is left are a few empty boxes in our dining room and some un-hung pictures. Also left is an ache in my heart for the home I left in Oregon. Moving forward can be so difficult and bittersweet.

By  nature I do not make friends quickly. It takes time spent getting to know one another and sharing life together. After five years in Portland, I had dug deep and found rich and beautiful friendships that nurtured my soul. Losing the close contact with that community hurts. Grieving about it sometimes feels a little forbidden. When we moved, both B and I decided that we needed to let go and turn our faces eastward with anticipation and joy. After all, we have lots of family in eastern Washington and we knew that God was calling us to Spokane. In fact, we had zero doubts about this transition. It crashed in on us over Mother’s day weekend and six weeks later we found ourselves back in B’s hometown. It was fast, there were mistakes made along the way and relationships strained because of it but still, to this day, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that right now we are supposed to be here. Knowing that has made it doubly difficult to feel permission to grieve about what was left behind. But this is not my home. I left my home only two and a half short months ago and it’s ok to cry about that, to feel the ache inside and wish with all my heart that I could sit across from dear friends and share face-to-face instead of having to pick up the phone or type an email.

I have also learned as I’ve gotten older that one can be in two places at the same time. I am still heartbroken over leaving Portland. I think about people there on a daily basis. I dream about the lush green landscape and my gorgeous seventh story high-rise apartment. I miss the activities were able to invest our time in. In the same breathe I love our new home. I love being surrounded by family and seeing my niece and nephews on a weekly basis. I love the fact that I’m not missing out on the important milestones in their young lives…moments that you can never get back once missed. The sunshine here is delectable. It leaves my spirit buoyant and free. There is a blessing of peace in this place. It is a peace that I know exists, in part, because we followed where we were led.

Just like that first encounter with lake water when I stand on the edge for an eternity before getting up the courage to dip a toe in and finally find myself floating out in the cool water, I feel like it’s time to take the plunge here in Spokane. It’s time to open our door (and our hearts) to friends both old and new and to move forward. I don’t know how long we will be here but that doesn’t worry me. Some day we will head back to Stumptown because we have roots there and always will.