Ramblings from a coffee addicted, takes herself too seriously, literary buff.
This weekend our four-year-old nephew went in for emergency surgery to remove an infected lymph node in his throat between his jugular and spinal chord. We flew up to be with family early Saturday morning and are still here, watching our younger nephew, Levi and supporting family as best we can. Please be praying for Isaiah’s full recovery. He’s still in the hospital in a lot of pain and there’s still some questions about what kind of infection he has.
One book that:
1. Changed my life:Seeing Past Z: Nurturing the Imagination in a Fast-Forward World (I wouldn’t necessarily say that the ground shook when I read this but it changed the way I want to raise my kids and the way I view the world so I think that counts)
2. I’ve read more than once: The Night Trilogy by Elie Wiesel
3. I’d want on a desert island: Henry James (you have to read slow which would help if I’m trapped somewhere for ages)
4. Made me laugh: Eat Pray Love
5. Made me cry: The Sparrow
6. I wish had been written: too many to count but I’m working on this one (I intend to write them myself)
7. I wish had never been written: are there any of these?
8. I am currently reading: Starbucked and The Gathering
9. Been meaning to read: Inkspell
Yesterday someone broke into our office and stole my laptop. In broad daylight.
Although Bryan and I have both experienced theft before, multiple times actually, this was different. In this world of technology our entire lives are encapsulated on something like a laptop. It felt like a violation of my personal, physical self that someone would steal every record I have of who I am. All my photography, my design work, my papers for grad school, my poetry. Unfortunately, much of it is lost forever because my last back up to an external source was more than year ago.
I don’t really care about the laptop itself, or the large screen, or the keyboard that were stolen. Mostly I just want someone to give me back the pieces of my life that I’ve ritualistically kept track of on that machine. This feeling of being crippled came as a bit of a shock and surprise. I mean, after all, it’s just a laptop. No big deal. We move on. There’s grace enough for all things. So when I felt as if someone had reached out and physically hurt me, I was stunned. Last night I curled up on the couch and watched We are Marshall, a story of tragedy and heroism on a much grander scale than what I’d just experienced and I sought refuge in the face of what felt like great personal loss.
No, not a loss of faith in God.
More a crisis of faith in my abilities as a scholar. Faith in the knowledge that I hold so dearly. I feel like I am losing what little information I am able to keep stored away in the recesses of my mind. Words, ideas, and important thoughts seem to slip out unannounced when I clean my ears with a Q-tip after showering or spill into the recycle bin when I bend over to throw away that empty cereal box. This has been one of the most challenging quarters, apropos I suppose since I’m nearing the end. Perhaps Henry James propels all of his readers into this state of agitation, or it could just be me. Either way, I’m reminded of a poem by Billy Collins about forgetting and it seems very fitting for the moment I find myself in.
Forgetfulness
The name of the author is the first to go
followed obediently by the title, the plot,
the heartbreaking conclusion, the entire novel
which suddenly becomes one you have never read,
never even heard of,
as if, one by one, the memories you used to harbor
decided to retire to the southern hemisphere of the brain,
to a little fishing village where there are no phones.
Long ago you kissed the names of the nine Muses goodbye
and watched the quadratic equation pack its bag,
and even now as you memorize the order of the planets,
something else is slipping away, a state flower perhaps,
the address of an uncle, the capital of Paraguay.
Whatever it is you are struggling to remember,
it is not poised on the tip of your tongue,
not even lurking in some obscure corner of your spleen.
It has floated away down a dark mythological river
whose name begins with an L as far as you can recall,
well on your own way to oblivion where you will join those
who have even forgotten how to swim and how to ride a bicycle.
No wonder you rise in the middle of the night
to look up the date of a famous battle in a book on war.
No wonder the moon in the window seems to have drifted
out of a love poem that you used to know by heart.
Billy Collins
Party affiliations are like lines drawn in the sand with opponents poised on either side, ready for war.
I was talking with a colleague the other day about the choice of animals to represent the Republicans and Democrats and even though we both support opposite parties, we managed to get a good laugh out of the symbolic implications. Republicans have a reputation for being sticks-in-the-mud who are grumpy, stodgy, and stubborn and refuse to give an inch. They are often stereotyped as having stuck their heads in the sand and rather than see the error of their ways, they have dug their heels in and refused to move. A large, awkward animal like the elephant pretty much sums all that up. Old, insensitive, and willing to walk right over every one. On the other hand, Democrats don’t have a much better image. While they are much more adept at the speechifying and “messages of hope”, their behavior often contradicts their words, making them real, ummm “donkeys” to deal with. Plus, they can be extremely arrogant and presumptuous, strong-willed and vocal. Ever heard a real donkey making a fuss about stuff, I have. They can get on your nerves.
That was a complete tangent, so thanks for indulging me. I just had to share the gist of that conversation since it’s probably one of the best I’ve had about anything political in a long time. On another note, I’m saddened by what appears to be a very stark binary between the parties. On the one hand you have a party that, for the most part, supports environmental issues and the “green” movement but at the cost of our standard of living and future growth. On the other hand, you have a party that downplays or completely ignores anything that has to do with caring for the earth while vigorously promoting economic growth. As a believer it’s so important to me that even in the face of our prosperity, we humbly return to God’s first calling on mankind, stewardship. Surely there can be a balance between fostering potential growth and promoting sustainability.