Welcome to the world of an English graduate student
I just have to rave about my grocery service. I’ve been getting my produce delivered by Spud for a few months now and really love it. They make an effort to go local whenever possible and it reminds me of my Grandma’s garden when I open up the bin and find lettuce with dirt on the leaves and carrots that look like they were pulled from the ground just before they showed up on my doorstep.
I was at a conference recently where Marilyn Meberg asked every one in the audience to pull one thing out of the “Where were you God?” box that we all have lurking somewhere in the basements of our souls. My initial response was, “What are you talking about? I don’t have anything in that box.” Hahaha….
It’s a scary thing, being open to facing what goes inside the “Where were you God?” box. It brings up more questions like, Do you care? Am I loved? Aren’t You omincient? Don’t You have my best interests in mind? Was I unfaithful? Weak? Do I not trust You enough?
Part of me wonders if it would be productive to spend some quiet time before the Lord opening that box even wider. The situations in life where I have felt abandoned or betrayed have left scars, and a wound that hasn’t been taken care of can never properly heal. The only barrier to this “project” is time. I kind of want an overnight resolution with God. Not a surprising reaction since I live in a world of instant gratification. A slow journey does not sound appealing.
I don’t really spend time being sappy on my blog. Maybe that’s an indicator of how self-centered I am, but I like to think it’s because the way I treat my husband in real life is example enough of how much I love him. He probably doesn’t need me gushing about him here. Still, there are appropriate moments for a measure of oogly-googliness. This is one of them.
We’ve been married four years today and I think that warrants a momentary celebration, a few extra kisses, and some long and passion-filled sighs of wonder and contentment. So here are a few things I LOVE about my man:
I was sitting outside Crema having coffee with a friend today. The sun was shining, the birds were singing…you get the picture. Next thing you know, the wind has picked up and there’s thunder and lightening.
Sometimes storms just creep up unannounced and pour on you. The weather is unpredictable. Life is unpredictable. I got to thinking about how I’ve often been caught in a downpour that rocked my foundations. Trouble came unexpectedly.
What do we do when a storm rolls through? Who do we turn to? I”ve seen a few nasty storm fronts in my time and while they can be scary it can also be a time of, oddly enough, reassurance. God is in control. So as the rain, thunder, and wind pass in about ten minutes here in Portland I am reminded that I can often blow things out of proportion in my own life and that stormy weather is a season, just like any other. This too shall pass…
I figure I’m a fairly low-maintenance kind of gal. Want to know how I came to that conclusion?
Well, lets see. I got off a plane Sunday morning around 7am and I haven’t stopped running around since then. Hang on a minute, let me count on my fingers how many days it’s been since then. Hmmm, four I think.
On Sunday and Monday we moved our offices from right next door to 12th and Sandy. Bryan and I moved most of the furniture ourselves on Sunday afternoon.
On Tuesday I flew all over town trying to get to meetings (and I’ll admit it, I did miss one), struggling with the lack of Internet at the new office, and moving our house. Yes. We are also moving. Just next door but it still requires packing everything up, cleaning, organizing, and unpacking. So far I have my new kitchen in order and everything else is a shambles.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. Enter Cap’n Crunch. Monday night I stopped by the store and bought a box of that delicious cereal with the added feature of berry crunches. Yum, yum, yum. Life is just better with a bowl of Cap’n Crunch.
You should know that I almost never buy Cap’n Crunch. I know intillectually that it’s loaded with sugar and unhealthy preservatives. Plus cold cereals are expensive. But hey, I figured that a low-maintanence gal like myself deserves a $4 box of cereal when life is so busy and crazy and a wreck that sitting down to put ones feet up isn’t even an option.
My bags are packed.
My fridge is cleaned out.
The garbage is at the curb, errands all done, and I’ve managed to vacuum too.
I feel like I am 6 again when I would get all dressed for somewhere special (church, zoo, Grandma’s) and then wait expectantly by the front door. “Are we ready to go yet?” I was raised in a house that had so many bodies in it we were kind of chronically late to stuff so I inevitably had to wait patiently (or not so patiently) for the rest of the gang.
So here I am at 26 waiting by the door for 6am to roll around so I can board that plane to Mazatlan and dig my toes into the sand.
I’m naturally a very detail-orientated, administratively-minded gal. I get all googly over magazine folders, storage tubs, colored file tabs, and all other organizational paraphernalia. While these character traits really come in handy in my line of work and even in my community involvement, they can also blind me to the bigger picture.This past weekend I was given a taste of that big picture and it encouraged me profoundly.
I’m involved in a young non-profit called Second Stories. I’m super passionate about it! Through this I became involved with Compassion Connect and am now helping at a health clinic in SE Portland. Last weekend, I went to tour the first Compassion Clinic of 2009 and it was deeply moving. I witnessed several dental procedures taking place, spoke with some of the patients and many of the volunteers. What I saw there last weekend was a picture of what I imagine the mission field in Africa or another third world country might look like. Only, it was right here in my own neighborhood. Doctors and nurses were gathered around patients in plastic chaise lounges in the middle of an elementary school classroom. This is not your typical antiseptic hospital environment.
Administrative details are important and ultimately they are needed to help ensure the success of events like the Compassion Clinics but they are not worth being mired in so deep that the overwhelming sovereignty of Christ gets lost. My God is miraculous and HE is here in SE Portland. This past Saturday was a powerful reminder from Him that this is not my work alone…and that He controls the outcomes. I may not have been a “patient” at the clinic on Saturday in the traditional sense of the word but in all other respects I was one, and I left there having been offered hope and healing.
It’s given me a lot of food for thought on what mission and being missional mean.
I am in love with raw fish. I could eat it at any time. Bryan and I have tried numerous sushi restaurants here and elsewhere. Of course, Bamboo Sushi is still our personal favorite but occasionally a trip to Uwajimayas for some fresh sashimi grade fish is worth the drive to Beaverton.
I love making rolls at home and trying out new and different variations!
Sometimes we get in slumps. Like the one I’ve been in for awhile. The weather has been awful. My house is a shambles. I spend most of my time hunched over a laptop trying to get a job done that never seems to have an end in sight. I’ve gained weight. Exhaustion is constantly nipping at my heels.
Life is complicated. And messy. And it hurts.
So yesterday evening my husband and I did the only thing we know to do. We prayed. It’s amazing how much sits in my heart and comes to the surface when I seek the Lord’s face. Makes me wonder why we don’t do it all the time. We’re crazy not to hunger and thirst for that communion like it’s the sweetest thing on earth.
And God performed a miracle. It’s that simple and profound. We are covered by His Grace and I can still feel soft reverberations of awe, joy, and surprise. The sun came out yesterday. I had coffee with a friend who deeply encouraged me. And at the close of the day, after we had opened up our hands and given back to the Lord all that belongs to Him anyway, He turned around and blessed us in a very tangible way.
Thank you Jesus. You are faithful. You are good.
I don’t know why I am surprised when God shows up and works wonders. It’s in his job description right? Somehow my memory of his faithfulness to me isn’t that great because I am always taken aback when He reminds me again.
Loneliness, fear, and hurt have threatened to drown me lately and I finally got to a point where I didn’t think I could handle it anymore. In that very moment God brought someone into the picture who could provide comfort, genuine understanding, and mature perspective. An answer to all my prayers and more! I am so overwhelmed with gratitude and thankfulness I could weep. Here is someone I can connect deeply with and seek out for help. Someone I am growing to know and can trust.
How fitting that the sun came out this morning as an additional reminder for me that God’s desire is for me to live in His light and that he is the Great Banisher of the Darkness…not only in reality but in the very depths of our souls as well.